My Vocation

I am almost all the way through Michael Duffy's The Skeptical, Passionate Christian. On pages 123-125, he's engaging William Perkins's view on calling/vocation, and he writes, "God does not invite us to something but puts us where we belong. God has designed it so that our gifts, other people's gifts, and society's needs fit together. If we are not living the vocation for which God has designed us, we are endangering the happiness of the whole society." This is, of course, Duffy's paraphrase of Perkins's view.

This struck me, because I am very much at a crossroads right now with no idea which direction to go. I cannot seriously see myself fulfilling any sort of 'calling' where I am now. My husband and I moved here with the goal of eventually fulfilling what we both see as our individual callings--him as a writer, me as a theologian--but neither of us seems to be getting anywhere. I would like to volunteer here, but I haven't been able to locate any place *to* volunteer. He can write here...and he has...but he hasn't made any further progress on publishing his book since we moved here. I know I could apply to school right now, but the prospect of being accepted frightens me because I have no idea how we would live financially. I don't even know how we would afford the move down to where I would like to attend school. And, due to several factors, my recent year of relative unemployment doesn't seem to be much of a 'plus' for being accepted or for finding good employment, in any case.

So, theologically, I have to wonder what it is Perkins thinks I ought to be doing. I know I have gifts; I would love to use them. I can see areas where those gifts would be useful, but I can't see those areas here, particularly without further schooling. And I fail to see the practicality of attending school *now*, with so much financial burden already on my husband and myself. So, has God put me here? And if God has, for what purpose?

For myself, I don't tend to think of God as an intervening God. I like to think that God is with me in every moment, and that God knows all the choices surrounding me, but that I am free to choose whichever option I want out of all the options I can see. I would argue that God hasn't put me here, but rather that God is with me on my journey.

Of course, this offers little comfort--there's no security in a God who doesn't place me somewhere, ordain certain things for me; there's no certainty of "I'm doing what God wants me to do." On the other hand, it offers great comfort in that I believe that God knows intimately what I am going through, what I am experiencing.

However, I still feel the need to be serving a purpose, to be fulfilling my calling. For me, that's what this blog is all about. It's my way of being theological, while I try to figure out where I'm putting my foot next. Hopefully I'll figure out something more solid before long.